| water. |
[Jan. 4th, 2010|01:30 pm] |
You look so helpless
being pulled through
leaves and twigs and things
by relentless gravity.
Down-travelling forever.
You give live to the withering,
but still you flow lifeless,
down-travelling forever.
It seems theres no hope
until suddenly the beautiful light hits you,
breaking you down and lifting you higher,
floating so free until gravity takes you down again. |
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| everything I ever wanteddd. |
[Oct. 27th, 2009|01:57 pm] |
I need to disconnect from everything thats holding me down for a little while.
I wanna fucking throw my cell phone in the water.
Rob a bank and take my money across the country.
Ill get guitars and fucking drums and make friends and music and cartoons aand movies and thats how ill get my start
and thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn maybe ill come back home for thanksgiving and eat a shitload of turkey and fucking cranberry sauce and shit and everyone will be all like
OMGHGGGG KIRBY FUCKING ALLNS BACK and ill be like SHIT YEAH I AM
and then ill go fucking take all my shit and guitars and great fancy creative things and fucking smash the country with myself again and everyone will say WOOWOWOWOWWWW! THATS AMAZING LOOK AT HIM GOOO!!!!!!!
and then I'll be back for christmas and be all like HAVE SOME FUCKING GIFTS SHIT HEADS!!!!!!
and everyone will kiss my ass for these presesnts and call them jesus and shit and ill be like IM FUCKING KIRBY
and go shit dicks o0n the country some more and party with angels and demons and fucking jesus himself and ill tear a muscle partying so hard
and itll all be a blur a big fantastic blur of fucking fame creation and happiness and i wont stop for a minute until
i
hit the
fuckin walls
. |
|
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| crawling the fuck out of my skin. |
[Oct. 27th, 2009|01:48 pm] |
| [ | tunes |
| | professor brothers. | ] |
I want to do things. I'm constantly craving a change.
Last time I wanted that my parents broke up two weeks later.
But still I sit here bored before work, waiting for my fucking head to explode.
Trying to be productive.
Wanting to be creative but not having the resources.
Then when I can't make what I want I get these random spells of blinding anger
because I feel like I can't fucking do anything. Then I start breaking shit.
For no reason. This stupid shit isn't even helping.
writing this dumb shit isn't helping me either. i'm still really antsy.
I just wanna be fucking successful already.
I wanna blast my fucking amazing* cartoons and shit out of tvs and computers and have peoples eyes melt and goo and fucking boil out of their faces.
THATS REALLY ALL I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE. RIGHT THERE^
*amazing means nothing to everyone else. |
|
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| checked out. |
[Sep. 20th, 2009|12:37 am] |
Everytime anything really upsets me
[it seems like everytime since my dad left]
my brain like checks out.
I feel myself getting really uspet and then...........
ZAP. I detach.
It's weird. I makes it easier to deal with stress
and sadness but I feel like I'm not dealing with it
if my brain is just ignoring it through
space mode.
It's only a bandaid and doesn't really
help to make me any happier.
It just freezes my mood
and throws me on autopilot.
I think the autopilot is a product
of the black hole. That dark spot
of infinite density and gravity
stifling my light and popping me
into neutral. |
|
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 15th, 2009|01:37 am] |
Lately I feel so dead.
But at times I can be just as happy as always.
But then there are times when I feel empty.
Like all my light went out.
I used to have such passion in me.
This way of looking at the world and seeing
how beautiful it is/was.
All the time.
And sadness would never hang around long.
But lately all it takes is one thing to get me down
and my brain goes into this loop. It's impossible to shake.
I'll just keep thinking sad things and being sad.
Over and over and over.
The only thing that whips me out is some sort of endorphin rush.[sex/porn/jackin.]
Or funny movies.
Writing this makes me feel a little better.
And soon I'll fall asleep and feel better in the morning.
But WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?
I was the happiest kid around!
My only explanation is that the thought of growing up always depressed me.
And now I'm growing up.
I'm living what once was a thought that filled me with nervous disgust and loathing.
I was like Peter Pan, you know?
And now I'm sprouting my adult wings. It hurts.
I miss being a kid. It makes me so sad to think I'm not the person
I was a year ago. I don't even know that kid.
Childhood was filled with endless happiness and possibility.
The only thing that adulthood has brought me is:- Stress
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Empty Bank Accounts
I'm really trying to find the beauty in being an adult. Really.
But adults are so stuffed up and mean and greasy and polluted and unnatural.
I don't wanna grow up anymore. I don't want to be like my adult peers.
I wanna be that bright, bouncing, kid that was full of life.
I fucking felt like I was full of stars. And now they have all collapse.
Leaving only a dark spot of infinite gravity and density so strong it seems to have stopped time.
[This has to be my longest post ever.]
|
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| i miss you. |
[Sep. 15th, 2009|01:10 am] |
| [ | tunes |
| | Melody Day - Caribou | ] |
I'm back. Sorry about that.
Tumblr is no substitute for the fufilment of still rocking a burnt out social networking site.
SO!!!
I thought I'd return with a banger.
I feel like I've actually, really, figured out the meaning of life [for humans.]
And you'd be awfully surprised at how simple and maybe even obvious it seems.
All humans crave is purpose. To feel usefull.
For animals its enough to eat, sleep, shit and fuck.
Because thats all they're programmed to do. Their instincts say:
"Hey be alive. If you're doing that, you're doing great!"
But for humans that is no longer enough.
Life for middle class white people like myself
is almost gauranteed. So we need something else to
fill the void that once was surviving.
It wasn't until I felt without purpose that I realized this.
Ironic, but it makes sense. I felt like I had nothing to offer.
And life began to feel pointless and without meaning.
Which made the "meaning of life" as clear as day. |
|
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| uh, yeah... |
[Aug. 16th, 2009|11:01 am] |
done with this.
follow me @ light-time-color.tumblr.com
peace. |
|
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| greeny. |
[Jul. 28th, 2009|02:03 am] |
| [ | tunes |
| | Jordan shredding Halo. | ] |
I got an actual written warning today from a horseneck beach park official. [formally known as greeny's.]
FTW???
And on top of that she was an unruly bitch about the process.
For what? To take physical energy out of her body to cause me minor stress. With a warning???
People are so fucking petty sometimes. I did nothing but wait in a car.
For what? To teach me a lesson? For enjoying the state provided natural "sanctity"
of the beach at too late an hour?
Really? To be honest, I'll probably go back at the same hour some other night.
That bitch is wild.
Fuck that. |
|
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| green, yellow, pink. |
[Jul. 27th, 2009|03:21 pm] |
I feel as though, for the first time since my dad left, I've got my fire back.
The day my dad left I felt myself let go. Of a lot of things.
For a long time it was really hard for me to care intensly for anything
because my parents were like my proof of love being real
and that people could stay together forever.
And when dad finally left it was like the final snap in my beliefs.
I felt my brain kind of detach and float, distantly for a while.
It was like someone showing the pope CONCRETE evidence that
god didn't exist. Everything I believed in was gone.
Love was my religion until that happened. I believed in love the way most believe in god.
And now I feel like its back. I thought I had lost my passion. My ability to feel things deeply.
I really feel it. |
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